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June 7, 2020 by Dear Queerantine

Chicago, IL, USA

Chicago, IL, USA
June 7, 2020 by Dear Queerantine

Dear Queerantine,

Let’s give space to our stories

My first Queer crush was my class’ girl bully, M, in third grade. I know, I know. How could I have a crush on a girl who made me feel so awful? Just hear me out.

She was pretty and strong and knew how to get what she wanted. I had never felt these weird sensations before. I was shook.

The moment I knew I had feelings was during class when we got paired. She made fun of literally everything about me, from my hair to the shoes I wore. I wanted to cry but also wanted her to keep talking to me. I liked seeing her make eye contact with me and hearing her talk to me. I remember getting super smiley whenever she said my name. It was so wild.

I didn’t react too positively to my first Queer feelings tbh. (one of like 20 regrets on my ever growing list). I tried to drown it out when I wasn’t in school. (I was pretty young). It sorta became my little secret, dirty laundry if you will. I grew to accept them later down the road, like many years later. The hardest part was trying to get the status quo out of my head. Straight was normal and I just wanted to fit in.

The only thing I would change about this is, to make my younger self stick up for me. M said some hella mean things and I just took it because I liked her. (horrible foreshadowing years from now). Other than that, I would let younger me feel all warm and soft about this girl. Feel the emotions, babes!

🤘 Chicago, IL, US

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Want to read more? We need your stories.

We know from personal experience that desire is complicated. And feelings often strike well before we have words to describe them.

Our goal with Dear Queerantine is to make space for these words, in all their rawness, beauty, and intersectionality. We can’t be what we can’t see, and it’s hard to express what we don’t know we can feel.

We want this to grow into a collaborative resource for all of us, now and in the future. But we need your stories first.

 

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