Dear Queerantine,
Let’s give space to our stories
I was well and truly in a “traditional” marriage…I was very young when I married and really thought that all women think about men the same way I did– that “you just get on with it.” 😀
I heard the word “lesbian” once in my life, never met an openly non-straight person, and didn’t know what being gay meant. Other than what my parents said about Freddie Mercury and Elton John– amazing musicians but essentially they are subhuman somehow, or abnormal, or something to that effect. So a possibility that I may be not straight was not a consideration until after I had my second daughter.
We met at a music festival. It was happening in our local town, and most people were locals or their friends. And she was there by herself. I remember seeing her standing and just being so comfortable on her own at a large event, and I was like, “Hello…you are not local” (which I have done heaps of times, so quite normal to me).
We did all the hard things at the start of our relationship– I was trying to find my feet, come out of the closet and deal with the aftermath of that as an adult who has been in a long term hetero relationship, and come to terms with my marriage falling apart (it was on a path to destruction well before me and girlfriend met)…then finding post-divorce feet, financial chaos etc etc etc. And she was so incredibly patient and non-demanding all those years. Which turned out to be the most honest thing she did for both of us– all these things I needed to decide on and do by myself. Not because of her or for her. This allowed me to build me as a person that does not depend on her. We both like our strong characters…
I don’t really know if anyone would be that terribly interested in this story, as it kind of does not have anything particularly exciting. ON the contrary– it has always been stretched out, careful, with losses, obstacles, etc.
But we have built a beautiful life for ourselves. Opposite from the traditional quick moving common to F&F couples– 7 years on, we still don’t live together. And that has turned out to be a blessing.
😎 Clare, Australia
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